Shadow Work: The Things They Don't Tell You

For years, I was running from things mentally without even realizing it. I thought I had everything under control—handling responsibilities, showing up for people, moving forward. But deep down, there were patterns in my relationships and daily habits that didn’t make sense. I’d push people away, struggle with self-sabotage, and avoid certain situations like the plague. It wasn’t until I truly sat with myself and confronted those hidden parts that I realized how much unresolved pain was running my life. That’s when I discovered shadow work.

If you’ve ever dipped your toes into self-healing, you’ve probably heard the term “shadow work.” It sounds deep, mysterious, maybe even a little dark. But what they don’t tell you is just how raw and uncomfortable it can get. Facing your own shadow isn’t just about journaling or meditating your way to enlightenment. It’s about unlearning, feeling, and breaking cycles that have been ingrained in you for years—sometimes even generations.

The Ugly Side of Shadow Work

1. Your Triggers Will Slap You in the Face You’ll start noticing every little thing that sets you off. The smallest comment, a familiar situation, even a certain tone of voice can send you spiraling. But instead of reacting the way you used to, you now have to stop and ask yourself: Why does this trigger me? The answers are rarely pretty.

2. You Might Lose People When you start healing, you stop tolerating things that once felt normal. Friendships, relationships, even family dynamics might shift, and not everyone will like the new you. Some people thrive on the version of you that doesn’t set boundaries. When you start protecting your peace, expect resistance.

3. It Will Feel Like You’re Getting Worse Before You Get Better Shadow work digs up everything you’ve buried. That means you’ll have days when you feel overwhelmed, emotional, and exhausted. There were times when I thought, Damn, I was better off not knowing all this. But that’s just part of the process. You’re cleaning out the wounds so they can finally heal.

4. You’ll Realize You Were the Problem Too It’s easy to point fingers at who hurt you, what traumatized you, and why you act the way you do. But shadow work forces you to own your part in things. Maybe you were defensive, emotionally unavailable, or attracted toxic situations out of familiarity. Taking accountability for your own patterns is the real game-changer.

What Helped Me Through It

• Journaling with Brutal Honesty: Not the cute “dear diary” kind, but the ugly, unfiltered truth about what I was feeling and why.

• Sitting with Discomfort: Instead of distracting myself, I let the emotions hit. I cried, I got angry, I processed.

• Therapy & Self-Reflection: Having someone guide me through certain realizations helped me make sense of things I couldn’t see on my own.

• Practicing Self-Forgiveness: I had to remind myself that I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time.

The Other Side of Shadow Work

The beauty in all of this? You become free. The weight you’ve been carrying starts to lighten. You gain clarity on who you are, what you want, and what you deserve. You stop repeating the same painful cycles and start creating a life that aligns with your healed self. And most importantly, you learn to love and accept every part of yourself—the light and the shadow.

So if you’re in the thick of it, trust me, I know how heavy it can feel. But keep going. The other side is worth it.